Hi everyone. I'm 16, so my mother still accompanies me to auditions some times. She is very outspoken and can sometimes come of as a you-know-what. Anyways, recently I had a screen test for an independent film. My mother was with me and she acted like her normal self (which is very outspoken and always likes to know what's going on). I got an email from the director and he said that my mother needs to calm down (there was a small incident where we left to go film and my mother didn't know where I was--but it didn't end up being much of a big deal, I think he may have just been referring to everything that happened). He said that if he wants to cast me, he'll try to get her to calm down. He said that if she doesn't calm down he can't cast me. Now, I understand that that could just be an excuse for not casting me, but if it's not, what do you think I should do? How should I confront my mother?
Thanks, and I apologize for the length

You're only 16--I say your mother should know what's going on!

Well I don't think it was really about that, I think it was more about how she was acting, which I guess seemed rude. She is known for being that kind of person, I really hate going anywhere with her b/c a lot of people dislike her.

I thinks it's odd that anyone casting a film would talk to the child (I know your 16 so I don't mean young child)about the parent. That's a big red flag right there. It's very unproffesional and extremely suspicious. I don't care how rude the parent is, if they are interested in you they should be taking their concerns directly to the parent. Sounds fishy to me and I would be very cautious.

It sounds like there are two things going on. You need to separate the incident where your mom didn't know where you were from the rest. It is important that she know where you are, even though you are 16. It is her job to protect you--no one else truly cares about what's best for you.

As far as her loud behavior, you can do two things.

#1) You can talk to her about what is expected of a parent at auditions and on set. This isn't a confrontation, it is a conversation. Explain that it is expected for parents to pretty much be quiet, unless there is something inappropriate or dangerous going on. Let her know that if production thinks a parent is going to be too pushy, or ask too many questions, or give opinions that their kids won't book. If she is going to the trouble of taking yo to auditions, she may see the wisdom of giving them what they want and not acting in a way that will effectively waste her time. Most parents bring a book, a laptop, knitting, etc. to keep busy.

#2) You can ignore it. The ugly truth is that there isn't a lot of work for 16 year old girls unless you're a "name" because they can hire someone who is 18+ to play younger. Then they don't have to deal with schooling/work hours issues. It's only for another two years, which I know sounds like forever, but isn't really that long a time.

Good luck.

Thanks everyone for all your advice.

I guess I exaggerated a bit and made my mother seem a lot worse than she actually is. She's not that bad, she just comes on a little strong I guess and can worry a lot. Just when I read the email from the director, I got really mad thinking she had cost me a role, and like you said showbizhopeful, there aren't a lot of roles out there for people my age.

Again, thanks for all your help. =)

I just wonder if the director was interested you in any kind of inappropriate way,and that is why he emailed you. I think something seems wrong, besides your mom.

I was wondering the same thing... why would a casting director e-mail a child and discuss the child's parent??? That sounds extremely strange to me and I would proceed with the utmost of caution! I'm wondering if the next step is going to be him asking her for a "callback" but don't bring your mother....

Also, just to let you know, you're still a minor no matter how mature you are. By law, your mother has to be on-set AT ALL TIMES and she has to know what's going on. She is supposed to have you in her line of vision. I don't blame her for getting upset.... if someone took my daughter off to another area without telling me & I didn't know where she was, I'd be upset, too. I wouldn't "make a scene" but I'd be upset about it.

About your mother being very outspoken, a know it all, etc... Maybe you can sit down with her and have a serious talk with her. Tell her that you feel she's ruining your chances on auditions because of her actions. Give her specific examples, not just "you always do this" or "you're constantly doing that".... Tell her it makes you feel embarassed and you know it's turning the casting people off because it seems like she's telling them how to do their job, etc.....

This is a tough business and I'm sure your mother only has your best interest at heart. She could be just as nervous as you are and, remember, she's you MOM... she wants to protect you at all costs!!!

I agree with all of the other mothers on this board. There is no reason why he should be e-mailing you directly. It makes it even worse that he's bad-mouthing your mother in the e-mail. It does sound like his next step is to get you alone. If he's not going to cast you then he wouldn't, regardless of the reason. I would definitely stay away from this one. If my daughter was ever taken to another area of the set without my knowledge I probably would make a scene. This business is full of people who would love nothing more than to take advantage of a child. I'll tell you another thing. If some adult e-mailed my child, whether she's 16 or 6 I would want to know about it. You should definitely tell your mother so she can be aware of what's going on.

MaryM -
Did the director respond to an email that you sent to him - or did he just contact you out of the blue?
Where did you find out about this audition?
This director sounds sketchy - we want you to be safe.

Somuchtodo, can I message you the details? I'm kind of scared someone related to the project will read this.

Ok, I just sent it. I'm kind of new to posting on these message boards so I hope it worked!

Got your PM and sent you one.

The audition came from a legitimate source, and the director did state that a parent must be present. Unfortunately, you can never be too careful and his contact sends up some red flags.

Running out. When I return - if someone hasn't already - I will start a thread specifically about staying safe...

Glad that you are here asking questions!

As the parent of a very independent 16 year old daughter I see nothing wrong with the director contacting Mary directly. He was offering her some sensitive advice for her career, nothing more, nothing less. He wasn't inviting her out to dinner or even definitively casting her. Yes, she should tell her mom what happened but in the positive, productive manner in which the email was sent. So many people in this business are relatively young (under 35) and have no kids so it's not in their mindset to constantly check in with the parent, especially if the child is older.

Sorry, I just see some overreaction to a simple email. Mary - take his advice and speak to your mom; you'll all be happier in the long run! Good luck.

I heard something similar, but the supposed director asked the kid to come in by himself. Told him to leave the parent at home.
The kid was smart enough not to go at all. Does this happen a lot. Sounds like a great predator tool