If you were to make up a rite - think Festivus - what would you use? Candles? Little warm animals? Viscous liquids? Body waste? (It's been done) Songs? Chants? Long lists of numbers? Consonant clusters? Whispers? Shouts? Big mattresses covered with plastic sheets? Industrial quantities of lubricants?

And why? Why would you perform that rite? What, as the actroids say, would be your objective?

Think the idea is silly? Well, SOMEONE had to invent all those other ones, the ones many people have taken seriously enough to kill for? Surely you can put your hand in too, no?