Okay, I don't know if this is an appropriate post for this place but what the hell.

I'm going through a really awful breakup. Three and a half year live-in relationship that involved a lot of abuse and more recently (or atleast I found out recently) infidelity.

Here's the thing: I've realized that the one thing that is keeping me sane throughout this entire process is my acting classes and auditioning. Any suggestions to how you move on and not let the horribleness of what's going on in your life turn you into a zombie who doesn't want to leave the house?

I move out tomorrow and I have to admit...I'm kind of scared.

use the emotion for acting!
you won't feel as bad, thinking well this will help me in the long run

I prefer Drama's reaction on the show Entourage.

Lots of alcohol, swearing, crying ......desperately wanting his ex back at all costs, impassioned and embarrassing public pleas to come back to him, obsessive behavior.

You should watch this weeks past episode, it will probably help you move on quickly when you see a two dimensional view at how unattractive it is to experience.

Tally Tal,

Just a few thoughts based on my own life experience.

Allow yourself to mourn. If you try to supress it it will take longer to work through it.

Before I met my husband I always berated myself that it had never worked out with any of the guys I dated/had relationships with. AFTER my husband came along I thanked God and "All That Is" that it hadn't worked out with any of those other guys! They were wrong for me, but I didn't know it until the right guy came along.

Hmmmm.... well you certainly don't want to act like I did after my last really bad break-up (decades ago). Though I admit to some good memories of even that lost time.



From my experience with stress in general, I always advise people to back off caffeine and other stimulants, if that's part of their life. Your internal system is probably producing all the excess energy you need just now.

Work out as much as you can. It's good for your mood overall, gets you out of the house and of course does your body actual good (presuming you do it intelligently).

If you've never done meditation, start. Even if it's just sitting in a chair with the lights out and some soft music on while you take deep breaths and repeat some chosen phrase (the old stand-by "OM" is always good). You may find yourself getting emotional if you're new to this - that's a GOOD thing. It means you're letting go of things you've been wasting energy trying to tamp down. Let it out and you'll get past it.

Don't worry about the crap that drifts into your mind. It will. If it helps, replace the spaces with positive words: "abundance", "health", "tranquility". (There's actually some experimental evidence that repeated words have a real influence.)

Be good to yourself. Even spoil yourself somehow.

Be careful - you're probably very fragile and vulnerable right now. Don't make big decisions and be cautious about new acquaintances (though you might need some just now).

If you've got a network of friends, value them. You'll never need them more. And you'll never be more grateful for them, years later.

Enjoy the weird blessings of grief. I remember looking out at the skyline of Paris at night and realizing how exquisitely beautiful it was, seen through my energized state.

Keep a journal (if you don't already).

Look at big things: the sky, the sea. Even the enormity in small bits of nature - an hour in a good garden can work wonders.

To paraphrase Kahlil Gibran*, sorrow carves a bowl in our being that we then may fill with joy. This too is part of making you who you are.


* Original Gibran quote

quote:

The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?

Sorry to hear about your troubles Tally Tal... but it good you are getting away from what sounds like a bad situation and moving on.

About two weeks ago I ended my eight-month relationship; I've been through this process a few times now. Never easy, never the same.

I think most of the above advice is good (except for the swearing, drinking, ect.), but I would reiterate to be careful about making bad decisions for awhile. Hopefully you have a good friend to talk to... it's good to let it out and talk to someone. Do not keep it all bottled up inside.

Thank you all so much for your replies. I moved out Tuesday and it hasn't been easy but having a bazillion amazing friends around me has helped a lot. All of your advice is so appreciated.
I suppose all I can ask for is to grow and learn from this experience and use it in my art to connect with others?!
Hope you are all healthy and happy. "follow your bliss"

i dont know if you will like this idea but trust me it works.
ok. all you need to do is start dating again. i know wierd right? well its differant for everyone. for some people who try this teqnue(the ' start dating as soon as you move out teqnue') it helps them forget about there ex, and for others it helps remind them how they dont need there ex because they have plenty of other offers, or if you like the 'new guy' i reminds them how good you feel now and how you dont need your abusive ex.