My Friend Judy


I met Judy when I moved to Indio ,California from Omaha, Nebraska. She was at first loud, obnoxious and somewhat a loner. Our very first encounter consisted of Judy yelling at me about not having my dog on a leash , she yelled at me :“ Hey Dobermans were not allowed in here!”. I gave her as good as I got right back.
I wont tell you what she said , but a shang-hai sailor would have blushed if he had heard it.
When I inquired about her to another resident of the senior community that I lived in I was told that she stayed to herself, she was just plain mean, and that she did not make friends easily. Not knowing any better I believed this person and vowed to stay away from her. For several weeks that followed she would take her little dog for a walk ,scowling at me when she passed ,and for my benefit she would occasionally mutter something under her breath, which I feared was some type of Gypsy death curse.
So ,for the first few months I lived near her we would stare at each other in passing and do our best to ignore one another.


One morning Judy stopped in the middle of our street and waved me to her side. She looked up at me and as bold as anything said: “I have breast cancer, their going to perform a surgery on me!” I was a little confused. Why would this crazy little woman involve me in her troubles? I thought about her on and off for the next few weeks.



The next time I saw her was after her surgery. She was weak but still had that attitude that I found grating but also intriguing at the same time. Over the next few months we began to talk about her life and my life, about people that she disliked and about family that she loved.
Sometimes our conversations would be limited to the quick hello’s that pass between neighbors. Sometimes we would talk about the weather or our common dislike of things that bothered us both. I must confess that Judy and I found many things in common that we both disliked.



After a year or so I began to realize that I LIKED Judy! She was burdened with illness but never once blamed anyone or anything for it. She doted on her children and grandchildren and absolutely worshipped her sister.
I didn’t care about her past ,I didn’t care about what others thought of her or me and I was proud to be called her friend .



We would smoke cigarettes and gossip as much as we pleased and never thought once about the consequences. She shared intimate details of her life as a young woman in Hollywood and of her youth . She was quick to brag about her children and grandchildren. I, in turn shared intimate details of my life and my struggles in Hollywood to make it in showbiz.

One thing you should know about my friend Judy, if she didn’t like you, she REALLY didn’t like you, but, if you were her friend she showered you with unbridled love and kindness.

Judy picked her friends carefully.


As the months turned into years we continued our friendship never asking or expecting anything of each other except that continued strengthing of the bond between us.

Recently Judy told me that the Doctors had diagnosed her with a more severe condition and she told me that this was it.

“IT? What’s it?’ I asked.
She looked into my soul and with all the love and understanding that was her being she simply said: ”The End”

She never wanted to burden me with the details of her illness ,even though I managed to draw them out of her in our chats and gossip sessions. It was during this time that she told me she was a Mormon. I was too. That’s when it all clicked.

I had prayed to God for peace and understanding in my life and she had prayed for the same. Now here we were two people unalike as any others bound together to minister to each other by God. He had answered both our prayers.

When we lose a loved one the tidal wave of emotions is great and painful.
Guilt, Anger, Sorrow , Fear , Joy, Hate ,Love ,and even Envy all play into our thoughts and actions as we try to comfort a loved one who’s time is near.

And the funny thing is ,is that the person who faces the great unknown tries to comfort us as much as they are comforted by us.

Judy was a fighter to the end. She won many battles and stood up to each new challenge with dignity and class. I had the great pleasure to minister to her during the last days of her struggle and pray with Her many times. She was surrounded by family and caregivers continually and each one of us were inspired by her battle.

I had been called away to Omaha a few days before she went on to a better life. I thought of her continually and expected the phone call from her sister at any moment to inform me of her passing. I returned home late on a Tuesday night
Judy’s sister called me Wednesday morning to say that Judy had died that morning at 5:00 AM.

I went to Judy’s house later that morning and arrived just as the first call service was preparing to remove her body. She was surrounded by family and her dedicated caregiver.

Judy lay on the bed that had become her waiting area for the end. She had this little smile on her face and looked as if she was having a pleasant dream. That smile spoke volumes to me . She was at last happy and at peace.
Death had become a good thing suddenly, good that she no longer suffered, good that her family and loved ones could go on knowing that they had been loved and needed.


Now for me the lesson that Judy and her struggles taught me. It is profound. ..And it will be with me always. Do it your way ,go on your time. Fight all the way and don’t ever be afraid of being yourself.


Judy had truly become my friend over the last three years and a better friend I could not hope for or want. I will miss her in the depths of my heart forever.

Perhaps when the time comes for me and I go on to the next step, there walking by in all of her glory will be this little woman with a big heart and a even bigger attitude yelling at me : “Hey Dobermans aren’t allowed up here!”

I truly, truly hope so.

Nice.

Very touching. Thank you for sharing.