Okay, I wasn't sure which board to post this on but I figure this would be appropriate somewhat.

So my boyfriend is not in "the business" and we are having problems because of him not knowing how acting works, like he thinks women only get parts because they sleep with someone, and I don't know how to fix this. It's caused fights between us and I don't know how to educate him on how things work without a long drawn out conversation. Does anyone know of like a book for that specific thing? Or some other solution?

I'm certainly not a relationship expert but it seems to me that you guys are having trust issues that have nothing to do with this industry.

Why are you afraid to have a "long drawn out conversation"? That's exactly what you two need to do. The simple act of discussing a problem out loud - listening to each other - creates a foundation for understanding.

The bottom line is no one has the right to tell someone they can't pursue their dream. So if you love this guy, sit down and talk. Try to figure out if he's jealous or possibly afraid of losing you. Do everything to put his mind at ease. I'm sure this can be worked out with an honest discussion.

And if that doesn't work out, then you may have to reconsider if this is the person you should be dating. (And keep in mind that I say that knowing absolutely nothing about the two of you!)

Good luck!

I've figured it out! Secret Agent man's identity is finally revealed! Welcome to the message board, Dr. Phil!

SAM is right, you've to talk to him about it, THEN after you've beat it into his head, do a role playing game with him, where he's the agent/cd, and he's got you on the "casting couch". hehehehe.

Note to Avid Actor - I like the way you think!

Thanks guys! It was helpful, it was not so much a "long drawn out conversation" like I thought, but I found out it was more of him thinking he'll hold me back.

oh boy, i used to have this same problem.

In fairness, I know at least one actress who used to hide the fact that she was in a relationship because she was afraid that would limit her opportunities. So BF's fears may not be totally unfounded.

We've had discussions here elsewhere about the sexual component of "interest" in actors (it doesn't only apply to women, either.) I doubt anyone will ever completely eliminate that concern, but nor does it only exist in the acting world. On the consulting side of my life, I once had a woman hire me for a project and then ask me out repeatedly while I was completely dependent on her for getting paid on time. And I knew an attractive French artist who was called back for a residency by the director of a program who had several possible choices - I don't think her being somewhat striking was irrelevant to his decision, even if she has done pretty well overall.

So I can see where a BF gets nervous. But, yeah, it does come down to trust. I mean, you could be working as a waitress and be getting bigger tips from guys hitting on you, too.

We had another thread on another board, a long time ago, about kissing scenes and boyfriends. That one doesn't always go well either.

I think all relationships have to have trust and communication... and sometimes it has to be a little stronger if one is an actor... especially if you get cast in a romantic role.

I had a girlfriend once that used to get jealous of people in my acting class... despite the fact that she knew NOTHING about them. Just one reason why she is an ex.

Handle it!

I have friends who have boyfriends/girlfriends who won't "let" them do certain roles because they don't want to see their partner kissing someone or being sexual onscreen. Some have actually turned down great roles because their significant others don't want them doing it. It's a big problem. How do you balance respect for your partner with respect for yourself??
I understand if you personally don't feel comfortable but when you're making decisions based on your partner's expectations it makes me uneasy...
If you are an actor than that is who you are, an actor...so shouldn't your partner love you for who you are??

Response to TallyTal:

Unfortunately, this issue isn't that simple. Acting is a very unique occupation. How many other people in this world have partners who go to work and make out with other people? Or more? It's a strange thing, isn't it?

And even as an agent who totally gets it, I wouldn't be comfortable with my girlfriend doing a love scene with a stranger. On one level, I would be wrong to feel that way but on another level, you can't expect me to deny my true feelings, can you?

I couldn't help (with Caitlin's permission) weighing in on this, so it's in my column this week. Here's the link if you want to check it out:

http://www.backstage.com/bso/advice-columns/working-act...ontent_id=1003819585

quote:

Originally posted by sealyons:
Okay, I wasn't sure which board to post this on but I figure this would be appropriate somewhat.

So my boyfriend is not in "the business" and we are having problems because of him not knowing how acting works, like he thinks women only get parts because they sleep with someone, and I don't know how to fix this. It's caused fights between us and I don't know how to educate him on how things work without a long drawn out conversation. Does anyone know of like a book for that specific thing? Or some other solution?

Hi sealyons and everyone

I'd like to throw my opinion on the heap here, if I may.

This thing, this occupation, really is unique, I agree. Plus, we fight almost insurmountable odds. Aside from that, we fight the nay-sayers, and there are plenty out there. I think we will all agree that we need a tremendous sense of self . . .AND a strong team behind us, if we do choose to let someone else on board.

Again, this is my opinion, he/she MUST be totally understanding, supportive, and even pro-active in helping us move forward toward our goal. To me, anything less from a relationship is a weight around your neck while you swim the english channel. It's tough enough already.

I personally am not cast in those roles anymore. There was a time when I was and I was fortunate enough to be married to someone who was and still is, totally understanding and supportive of my craft. I'm happy I didn't have to choose.

My acting teacher at the time, took a hard line on this. She would say "Clean house". Brutal, I know.

If you are serious about doing this, and I mean making it more than a hobby, the guy's going to have to either understand/support you, or step off. I think it is that simple. A tough call for you. What is your priority?

Good luck.

Jim

Response to LURKER:

Wow. The teacher actually told the student to "clean house"? How dare she? That response is way over the line. What a worthless teacher. So many acting teachers like to behave like they have a psych degree when in reality, they're just washed up actors who weren't good enough to succeed.

I would've told her to go f**k herself.

quote:

Originally posted by Secret Agent Man:
Response to LURKER:

Wow. The teacher actually told the student to "clean house"? How dare she? That response is way over the line. What a worthless teacher. So many acting teachers like to behave like they have a psych degree when in reality, they're just washed up actors who weren't good enough to succeed.

I would've told her to go f**k herself.

Ha ha haa yeah, Secret Agent Man! She's been told that and even stronger directives! So you agree it was brutal. An over-the-top acting teacher. Can you imagine that?

Jim