I'm training in a MFA program and currently it's my summer break. I wanted to take the skills I learned in school and apply them to the demands in the summer theater where I'm interning. Something told me not to accept an internship because frankly I'm too old for that, I did it before, and not much to my surprise my peers and much younger than me. The internship doesn't pay a stipend either. One of the few reasons I accepted the internship was because I wanted to be a part of a really great classical theater. I wanted to do some great work in the classics. I was willing to accept the no-pay thing as long as I was doing work that I was proud of. But now I'm trapped in an intern show with an uninspired script and an uninspiring concept. I don't believe in it. My hearts not in it. A lot of the laughs in the show are cheap. I try to implement some of the tools from school but I work with a director who is so style specific and results oriented. That's typical i guess but there's barely any time for me to adjust to any of it. In effect, I hate my work in the show. I hate being negative about this whole thing. I sacrificed a lot to be in this field and I don't want my validity as a decent actor to be in the hands of an insecure director. How can I ever salvage my emotional health and self perception as an artist worthy to be on the stage?

So sorry.

I made the same mistake when I was a Yale.

Well, working with a director who's work you don't appreciate is good training too. Our job is to create within the director's vision and the playwright's words, and the designers sets and costumes. It's a tall order when you don't appreciate any of those elements. Not to mention the other actors, the pay or the housing! Theatre is a tough gig. But...once in a while...all the elements come together. We want to be there when that happens and be ready when that happens.

So keep your work up where it should be as best you can under the circumstances. The world of grad school ain't the world of theatre. Learning how to survive and thrive is important. I wish I could be more helpful.

You gotta just do it.

How's it going out there, mfx?

Roz is right...ya just gotta suck it up and get through it. Know that something better awaits! Good luck and let us hear how it's going.

Thanx for the advice Roz and Darbi!

We have our final performance tommorrow. The season is less than 2 weeks from over. It is difficult to drop your insecurities or general sense of displacement in the production before you set foot on the stage and focus and commit. Next time I do a project, I'm going to try my best to thoroughly know what I'm signing for.

Oh, honey....we all learn that lesson early on. I'll never forget the "industry showcase" that I committed to my first year in NYC. Producer's Club and all. It was not pretty. But I sucked it up and gave it my best. You'll be glad you did the same when you are years removed from this project and looking back.